Anonymous asked: Hey dude if you feel like advice and venting to someone go on this site called blah therapy and you can anonymously talk to someone and vent all your problems !
Just being a sad artist at the moment. I’m actually not too bad. I am simply being. (and studying) I will keep it in mind whenever the need strikes.
But I I cannot reach My best friend at the current time. And I can’t reach my boyfriend because he’s working. I want to call someone up so I can make some plans instead, if I could hang then surely I’d change my mind.
I dunnoh I dunnoh.
I don’t like this worry.
It’s very sad.
My Grandparents were the first to split apart.
Then My Uncle Simon and Sharon.
Now My Uncle Rick and Auntie Jodie are seperating.
I know my own parents are coming close to.
My mother won’t be able to take it much longer.
I never suspected Rick and Jodes. In the end I guess it makes sense. But it also doesn’t. There’s so much love surrounding them. but ever since that happened. Something I will never type of.
Doing my Uni work and babysitting Izzy and worry about my own things helps a lot. But it can only distract for so long.
My Psychologist says distracting myself from my emotions is a bad thing, That I should face ride and go with the current. But I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to cry not because ‘ll feel weak or turn bad. but simply because I just don’t want to. It makes me sadder, and my crying lasts for 3 days straight. I have things to do, work to do. Uni and somewhat legit. work at red rooster. And I have family and friends I want to smile for. Because I love them. And they make me happy.
And I don’t want to cry because Alexandrea and Joe. They make me so happy with life and myself. And make everything seem possible. My dad to. And I don’t want to cry.
I’ll cry myself to sleep later.
To grief over the loss and severation of another marriage in my family.
This is why I don’t agree with my Cousin Dazza marrying Alicia. It’s too soon. They don’t love each other truly. I don’t think anyway. Is that wrong? To have that opinion? Because in the end won’t they end up like all of the other early marriages in my family?
I believe that when you truly love someone, you last forever. You grow old together. You know, unless someone else carks it,
But It is so very sad. My auntie Jodie. My Uncle Rick. I can’t imagine life with them a part. It’s too weird. Too strange. Too foreign. How can one accept such a change? How can one look at it positively… I don’t want to say that my family is falling apart.
This is also gonna sound self centered, but I reckon, if I were to stop feeling like I was falling apart. That the family would to.
Because in a sense. Jodes and Rick, are just separating their marriage and romance to a friendship. That’s not falling a part. And I think that is a physical manifestation in my universe of how I’m getting better at not falling apart. And how my support, my life link, my family. Are still here in all of their own loud, boisterous and charismatic and dysfunctional ways. They’re all still here. My real family. I cherish that.
But I am still overcome with sadness.
(So many mistakes in this ramble I’m sure but bear with me we’re travelling a stream of consciousness here).
I bet you tonight when I want to cry I won’t be able to and will be overcome with insomnia.
That’s a frustrating thought.
I hope my dad’s doing okay holding up with Uni and work and his very unstable life right now.
I hope Alex keeps on her path to good right now and I hope Cody serves her well as she does him.
And I hop Joe stays safe on the roads and at work. At this point of my life I’ve become so attatched to him. Come to have such a love for him that goes deeper and deeper everyday, it’s almost hard to think that I was once a solo being. I still am of course, but it’s like the 100% of who I was comfortable with being has entered in to a 50/50 thing with him. To make a solid nother 100%. Only now With him complimenting me in many a ways in our developing relationship…my insecurities are being forced out in to the open and for me to face. and I wish things would be gentler there. And I’ve tried, but it looks like we have to go all out extreme and fucking bring on the hard core insecurities and pain before I can be comfortable with my self again. It’s one thing to be comfortable with yourself, another to be comfortable with yourself in front of others, and even more so to be comfortable with yourself in front of the person you care most about in the world.
difjgpfg nyeeeeeer. Waah.
And I am sad.